Shitty updates
After getting back from my Christmas vacation in the Desert on Tuesday (12/26) afternoon I wasn't feeling too hot. I went to bed early and went to work the next day. During work I didn't feel right. It was weird, I was really tired and I couldn't figure out why. Around 2pm or so, I decided to call it a day and went home. At home I laid on my couch still feeling very tired and weird. I spent the next couple hours on the toilet; cranking out the diarrhea. When my girl got home she once again had to take care of her sickly boyfriend!
I was up throughout the night with extreme explosive diarrhea. I slept for a few hours in between toilet episodes and awoke the next morning (Thursday) to much of the same. I couldn't make it in to work, eat, sleep or do anything except crap my brains out.
The Pepto wasn't helping at all and I later found out that it actually makes it worse. I started to think something more serious was going on. Do I have a tape worm? What did I eat? Food Poisoning? An Ulcer? All these seemed possible as I was showing the symptoms.
Continue the madness...
The rest of Thursday was spent mostly on the toilet. I would get to the bathroom, crap my eyes out, wipe down, flush, crap again, flush, wipe down, then flush, then clean up and go to bed for about an hour and then wake up to start the cycle over. I was amazed at how my body was able to keep crapping, hour after hour, with little food to re-fuel my crapping. Where the hell was all this crap coming from and why did it rocket at my ass at light speed!!? And the smell? Dear lord! It was the most foul stench I ever created. The sewer back-up we had a few months back didn't even come close. It was so bad it almost made me puke as I shat, which in turn made me shit more. As you may know, you don't shit in one long terd. Most of the time it's broken up into a few nice thick terds. Well the same is the case for diarrhea, except it ain't terds, it's all dark spray, broken up into "episodes"… spraaaaayy… fart fart fart… spraaaaaaay… fart… spraaaaaay… fartspraaayfartspraaaaay fart… etc. It was like I was hooked up to a sewer with the "on" switch jammed. It just kept coming and coming. I decided then and there never to laugh at another skit or movie that made fun of explosive diarrhea situations (Dumb and Dumber). It hit too close to home now. And yes, fuck that stupid "diarrhea baseball song" too.
I crapped around 15-20 times during Thursday and I started to get worried of dehydration and other complications. I really was very worried that I might have to see my doctor and do another hospital stay. It was making my emotional state worse. You normally might feel better after a long shit or hard core diarrhea since it feels like it's cleansing your system. But for me it was not so. It was just getting worse and worse. So, when I could, I jumped on the computer and did some doo-doo research.
As it turns out, I was doing a couple things wrong. First, Pepto is a big no-no when you have severe diarrhea (more than 3 or 4 times a day). It actually keeps IN the bad shit trying to get out (pun intended). Pepto and the like are mostly for people that have a bad meal or just a bad poo day. Second, I was drinking only water as my liquid of choice. Of course water is very important but so are those fun electrolytes which water has none. Just having water made my shit more watery, so I needed something with sodium and potassium as well. Lastly, with the little food I was eating, I chose things that I thought would be easy on my stomach, like a bowl of cereal… big mistake… dairy=mucho shits… I think I knew dairy was no good, but it seemed right at the time. I probably made my shitty situation worse by not knowing these facts.
With new found knowledge in-hand, I sent my girl on a midnight shopping run to get some goodies… Gatorade (electrolytes), Bread, Rice, Applesauce, Sprite (no caffeine) and Toilet Paper (I went through 3 double rolls in one day)
I woke up Friday morning with a little more decent sleep in me since I only woke up twice the previous night for some shits. I had some good electrolytes in me, no pepto and some better food in the tummy as well. I called my doctor and asked for his advice. After telling him that I was basically breaking the record for most shits in a day, he agreed that I had some kinda intestinal bacteria. He asked me if I ate anything weird or "came into contact with anything out of the ordinary"… like what doc? Perhaps a walking-talking-kissing-shit-monster from hell? Yeah, well I did stop by the shit-monster's house to give back the holiday bowl I borrowed…maybe that… um….. "NO" I said, I didn't remember coming in contact with anything out of the ordinary.
Then it must've been something I ate. I still can't figure out what that was, because all last week I ate what everybody else ate, holiday food. Oh well. He called in a prescription for me which should've been ready in a few hours, but his assistant fucked up and it was gonna be ready until 6pm.
Friday was fart-day. After I called my doc in the morning, I realized I didn't shit in a couple hours but I was farting every five minutes. It was like the sewage ran dry, but it was still working at full steam. I was initially elated not to be shitting all the time, but that quickly dissolved. The problem with gas is that it is very painful when it comes out and when it fills back up. After every massive fart, I could hear my stomach, intestines and other internal glands fill up with air, water and other liquids. It was a crazy mess of sounds. I felt like a bag-pipe. It's similar to the "stomach-growling" sounds you might hear when you get hungry. But it's much louder, longer and it's everywhere. From my throat all the way down to the pooter. And to make things worse, I farted until my ass was red. It was the first time I ever farted so much that I started to bleed. Also, sometimes what I thought was gonna be a fart actually wasn't…. Let's just say I didn't make the same mistake twice.
Instead of making my girl take the bus again to get my prescription I decided to test the waters and drive her there. Once in a crowded store with strangers and my gas problem I realized this wasn't a good idea. I tried the best I could to hold it in, but it just made it more painful and I started to whimper. I wondered what the other customers thought of that ratty, tired, whimpering, farting dude standing next to them and if they understood that I was actually trying to act normal. After some strenuous minutes waiting for some computer glitches, I got home, ate and took my medicine.
The shits returned that night but I was finally able to get a complete night sleep with no interruptions.
So, as I woke up Saturday and took my medicine, it seems that I'm finally getting a little better. I'm not anywhere near cured of my bacteria but I only shat once today, and yes it was a shitty mess again.
I'll be on the meds for a week or so to make sure whatever bacteria I got is gone and you better believe I'll do just that.
-
I was up throughout the night with extreme explosive diarrhea. I slept for a few hours in between toilet episodes and awoke the next morning (Thursday) to much of the same. I couldn't make it in to work, eat, sleep or do anything except crap my brains out.
The Pepto wasn't helping at all and I later found out that it actually makes it worse. I started to think something more serious was going on. Do I have a tape worm? What did I eat? Food Poisoning? An Ulcer? All these seemed possible as I was showing the symptoms.
Continue the madness...
The rest of Thursday was spent mostly on the toilet. I would get to the bathroom, crap my eyes out, wipe down, flush, crap again, flush, wipe down, then flush, then clean up and go to bed for about an hour and then wake up to start the cycle over. I was amazed at how my body was able to keep crapping, hour after hour, with little food to re-fuel my crapping. Where the hell was all this crap coming from and why did it rocket at my ass at light speed!!? And the smell? Dear lord! It was the most foul stench I ever created. The sewer back-up we had a few months back didn't even come close. It was so bad it almost made me puke as I shat, which in turn made me shit more. As you may know, you don't shit in one long terd. Most of the time it's broken up into a few nice thick terds. Well the same is the case for diarrhea, except it ain't terds, it's all dark spray, broken up into "episodes"… spraaaaayy… fart fart fart… spraaaaaaay… fart… spraaaaaay… fartspraaayfartspraaaaay fart… etc. It was like I was hooked up to a sewer with the "on" switch jammed. It just kept coming and coming. I decided then and there never to laugh at another skit or movie that made fun of explosive diarrhea situations (Dumb and Dumber). It hit too close to home now. And yes, fuck that stupid "diarrhea baseball song" too.
I crapped around 15-20 times during Thursday and I started to get worried of dehydration and other complications. I really was very worried that I might have to see my doctor and do another hospital stay. It was making my emotional state worse. You normally might feel better after a long shit or hard core diarrhea since it feels like it's cleansing your system. But for me it was not so. It was just getting worse and worse. So, when I could, I jumped on the computer and did some doo-doo research.
As it turns out, I was doing a couple things wrong. First, Pepto is a big no-no when you have severe diarrhea (more than 3 or 4 times a day). It actually keeps IN the bad shit trying to get out (pun intended). Pepto and the like are mostly for people that have a bad meal or just a bad poo day. Second, I was drinking only water as my liquid of choice. Of course water is very important but so are those fun electrolytes which water has none. Just having water made my shit more watery, so I needed something with sodium and potassium as well. Lastly, with the little food I was eating, I chose things that I thought would be easy on my stomach, like a bowl of cereal… big mistake… dairy=mucho shits… I think I knew dairy was no good, but it seemed right at the time. I probably made my shitty situation worse by not knowing these facts.
With new found knowledge in-hand, I sent my girl on a midnight shopping run to get some goodies… Gatorade (electrolytes), Bread, Rice, Applesauce, Sprite (no caffeine) and Toilet Paper (I went through 3 double rolls in one day)
I woke up Friday morning with a little more decent sleep in me since I only woke up twice the previous night for some shits. I had some good electrolytes in me, no pepto and some better food in the tummy as well. I called my doctor and asked for his advice. After telling him that I was basically breaking the record for most shits in a day, he agreed that I had some kinda intestinal bacteria. He asked me if I ate anything weird or "came into contact with anything out of the ordinary"… like what doc? Perhaps a walking-talking-kissing-shit-monster from hell? Yeah, well I did stop by the shit-monster's house to give back the holiday bowl I borrowed…maybe that… um….. "NO" I said, I didn't remember coming in contact with anything out of the ordinary.
Then it must've been something I ate. I still can't figure out what that was, because all last week I ate what everybody else ate, holiday food. Oh well. He called in a prescription for me which should've been ready in a few hours, but his assistant fucked up and it was gonna be ready until 6pm.
Friday was fart-day. After I called my doc in the morning, I realized I didn't shit in a couple hours but I was farting every five minutes. It was like the sewage ran dry, but it was still working at full steam. I was initially elated not to be shitting all the time, but that quickly dissolved. The problem with gas is that it is very painful when it comes out and when it fills back up. After every massive fart, I could hear my stomach, intestines and other internal glands fill up with air, water and other liquids. It was a crazy mess of sounds. I felt like a bag-pipe. It's similar to the "stomach-growling" sounds you might hear when you get hungry. But it's much louder, longer and it's everywhere. From my throat all the way down to the pooter. And to make things worse, I farted until my ass was red. It was the first time I ever farted so much that I started to bleed. Also, sometimes what I thought was gonna be a fart actually wasn't…. Let's just say I didn't make the same mistake twice.
Instead of making my girl take the bus again to get my prescription I decided to test the waters and drive her there. Once in a crowded store with strangers and my gas problem I realized this wasn't a good idea. I tried the best I could to hold it in, but it just made it more painful and I started to whimper. I wondered what the other customers thought of that ratty, tired, whimpering, farting dude standing next to them and if they understood that I was actually trying to act normal. After some strenuous minutes waiting for some computer glitches, I got home, ate and took my medicine.
The shits returned that night but I was finally able to get a complete night sleep with no interruptions.
So, as I woke up Saturday and took my medicine, it seems that I'm finally getting a little better. I'm not anywhere near cured of my bacteria but I only shat once today, and yes it was a shitty mess again.
I'll be on the meds for a week or so to make sure whatever bacteria I got is gone and you better believe I'll do just that.
-
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