Are you for real?

A vampire bat attacked my dog. At first it was "pecking" its eyes and neck and my dog kept getting weaker. Then it turned into a vampire goose and continued to attack & peck my dog. My dog was laughing because it tickled, but then blood was flowing and it was wounded. I grabbed the vampire goose by it's neck and held it like a baby cat. It started to attack my arms so I threw it over the fence where it attacked my dog again, this time my dog "deflated" and ended up dying, I grabbed the vampire goose again and took it to the shed and cut it's head off with an ax.
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